I Need You So Bad it Hurts
by Jae Ar
Summary: How does Spencer handle a tough case?  Derek know.  Warning M for sex, a little language, a little drug use and a little self harm.  Not my first story, but the only one posted due to flames, please be nicer this time.


Sorry guys this isn't an update. I just saw my story on my mobile, and found too many errors to leave alone.

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><p>I owe a really big thank you to Tiecollector for help with my German!<p>

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><p>Morgan held tight to Reid's shoulders as he led the stiff and silent man down the hall of the hotel to their room. He knew what would happen once they entered the room; situations like this had occurred in the past. And though the thoughts of what was to come still worried Morgan, he was now fully prepared.<p>

Once the door was unlocked he led his lover through the door and closed it behind him. Reid then began to gulp large quantities of air into his lungs as he tried to stave off sobs. Morgan simply put his strong arms around the boy and said, "That's it. Let it out. We are alone now, and you can let it out on me."

"I kept it together this far."

"I know you did, Baby Boy. You did real good. I am so proud of you, but now you need to let it out. Talk to me."

"It wasn't her fault. The voices and visions were too much for her."

"I know."

"It wasn't my fault either, was it? I just couldn't get through to her."

"It wasn't your fault Spencer."

"She just came after me with a switch like my mom used to."

"That must have been terrifying for you."

"Hotch had no choice, but to shoot her, right?"

"She could have hurt you much worse, Pretty Boy."

"Her blood! It's still all over me!"

"No, Baby. You took a shower and changed at the station. Remember?"

"Oh."

Reid found himself feeling overwhelmed and confused. His brown eyes were leaking tears as he stared past Morgan. Morgan was keeping a strong hold on Reid to keep him from crumbling onto the floor. Finally he gasped, "Morgan!"

"Hey, we are alone here. We are no longer Agent Morgan and Dr. Reid, remember?"

Spencer nodded and said, "Derek, I need you."

"I know."

As Derek slowly began to unbutton Spencer's shirt, he thought about the events of the day. Reid had persisted in trying to talk to the unsub, but she had overpowered him and had him cornered. Hotch was forced to shot her when she tried to go after Reid with a knife. By the time Morgan got to Reid he was lost in a flashback, much like the first time Reid had behaved this way with Morgan. The first time, Morgan had led the team on a raid into a small abandoned chapel. When they entered, the unsub was standing over the victim, who was tied to the alter on the verge of sacrifice. But the event that sent Reid reeling was the smell of burning fish parts that the unsub had been using. Morgan had three thoughts upon taking in the situation: one, subdue the unsub; two, get the medics to the victim; and three, get Reid the hell out of there before he required the help of the medics himself.

Once Derek had fully undressed Spencer, he removed his own clothes and led Spencer to the bed. He grabbed a bottle of massage oil on their way to the bed. He placed Spencer down on his back and began to stroke Spencer's smooth chest and kiss his long neck. Spencer didn't move. He just laid under Derek's ministrations and tried to keep his breathing calm so that his body wouldn't shake. Derek performed these small ministrations to help calm Spencer, as Spencer allowed for no foreplay or anal preparation in these situations.

The first time Spencer had exclaimed, "Just fuck me Derek!"

"No! It would seem like I'm raping you. I will not rape you."

"I need it to be quick and numbing. There are three ways that I could feel numb: I could go and find the first opiate I can get my hands on and let it take my mind away; I could grab a razor blade to stab into my skin and drag it down my arms and legs; or you can pound me into this mattress right here right now. Now what is it going to be?"

Derek felt awful that first time, but he has since come to terms that at least Spencer was being honest and open with him. This may not be the most constructive for Spencer to express his angst, but at least he was expressing himself in someway.

"Derek I need you! I need you on me, in me and around me!"

"Are you sure you are ready Pretty Boy? I don't want to hurt you."

"But you are hurting me. I need you! I need you so bad it hurts! Please Derek!"

Derek poured copious amounts of the massage lotion onto his cock and onto Spencer's entrance. He didn't know if it would truly lessen the pain, but he had to at least try. Derek crashed his lips onto Spencer's as he lined up his cock with Spencer's pucker. At the height of their kiss, Derek slammed into Spencer. Spencer emitted a loud wail that Derek could never tell if it was pure pleasure or pure pain. He could only guess that it was a mixture of the two.

Tears continued to make their way down Spencer's face as Derek began to set a steady pace. Derek leaned his head so that it was next to Spencer's ear and began to whisper, "I love you so much, Spencer. You are so beautiful. You are so kind and caring. I can't imagine my world without you in it. You have intelligence and wit that I have never seen before. I know you hate clichés, but Spencer Reid you are my heart and soul. I want you now and forever."

Spencer finally let out a quiet moan of ecstasy as he grabbed Derek's hand and placed it on his own erection bobbing between them. Derek firmly took a hold of the hard rod and stroked in rhythm with his own thrusts into Spencer. After just a few strokes though, Spencer began to scream out and his body flailed with his orgasm. Before Spencer could complete his orgasm Derek followed him bellowing Spencer's name.

Once Derek caught his breath and felt his body come back to earth, he pulled out of Spencer and went to the bathroom to wet a towel and he brought it back to Spencer. Spencer yet again was stoic and stared into nothingness. Derek had also experienced this, and he knew Spencer needed to let go of his remaining tension and restart his brain. So Morgan took the towel and wiped the tear stains off of Spencer's face. Then he moved the towel to clean off his chest and stomach before moving it to clean between his legs. Morgan finally used the towel to clean himself up before tossing it to the corner and crawling back into the bed.

Derek took Spencer into his arms and maneuvered him so that he was sitting in between Derek's legs. Derek picked the bottle of massage oil back into his hand and squirted just enough to make for a pleasurable massage. He rubbed the knots out of Spencer's shoulders as his head lolled about with the movement. Then it was time to get Spencer's mind working. Derek ripped a piece of paper off of the bottle of massage oil. The paper had been taped to the bottle for occasions just as this one.

Derek remembered his mother used to do this for him and his sisters when they were young and in stressful situations such at the doctor's office or the wake of your father. Mrs. Morgan would draw letters onto the backs of her children and they would guess the word or phrase written there. Derek tried this once with Spencer, and while he found it had worked, the words and phrases that Derek picked up from Mrs. Morgan were too simple for Spencer. So Spencer wrote down some phrases for Derek to use that were a bit more challenging. The problem for Derek was that they were in different languages, so Derek had to trace exactly what was on the paper before him.

When Derek had completed composing the words on Spencer's back the room was silent. But eventually Spencer stated, "Der Vorteil eines schlechten Gedächtnisses ist, dass man dieselben guten Dinge mehrere Male zum ersten Mal genießt Friedrich Nietzsche

"The advantage of a bad memory is that one enjoys several times the same good things for the first time. Friedrich Nietzsche"


End file.
